No, everything is not as perfect as it may seem on the home-front. Most of the time I write about the wonderful, happy times, but since this is my journal as well as the family scrapbook, I feel inclined to write about how our parenting is going these days.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!
Picture me tearing my hair out! I am a strict parent. I know it and most people who know me, know it. I don't put up with a lot from my kids. I expect them to listen to me, and do as I say. Recently, though, it appears that Daxton is exercising his free agency and it is going to kill me. It seems that the boy has an excuse for everything, and NOTHING is his fault. He's the first to throw his brother under the bus and blame him for anything amiss. Even if Grady is the one crying, it was NO WAY, NO HOW Daxton's fault.
Brandon and I spend more time discussing how to parent our children, than any other topic lately. We talk over our different ideas and try to support what the other thinks should happen. I admit that I'm kind of at the point where I don't think anything will work. We've bought the "Parenting with Love and Logic" book that everyone raves about. It makes me FEEL like we are good parents to read this book and implement what it says, but honestly, I don't think it's working. The basis of the book is that you teach your kids to take responsibility by pointing out to them that the choices they make affect their lives. We give them the opportunity to make more choices. It is a great theory, but the bad consequences Daxton seems to have to put up with for making bad choices, don't appear to be having any affect on him. He just doesn't care.
So what are we supposed to do with this? I DON'T KNOW! That's the hard part. I just don't know what to do. I'm tired of yelling at him. I don't want to be the mom who yells all the time, and I worry about him hating me and acting out in other ways when he's older. I try to cuddle with him and reassure him that I love him whenever I have the opportunity. He's still open to that and he doesn't hate me yet, so I feel like I still have time to salvage our relationship if I can just figure out how.
How do you raise a strong willed, smart alec who believes he knows more than you? If you know, please tell me.
11 comments:
When you figure it out let me know. I feel like I'm reading all about my Tucker. Daxton is such a cutie. Sorry you are feeling rotten about your parenting skills, crossing my fingers this is a SHORT phase!!!
My oldest sounds a lot like Daxton. So this is my advice: stay balanced as much as possible in terms of strict vs. fun and easygoing. I also talk a lot with him about my willingness to always be willing to find a way to compromise where we can BOTH be happy. He helps to come up with the solution and I think it really helps him to feel like he's important and also happier in the end because he had a say in the issue. Does that make sense? I hope so. You can always call and MAYBE some of our past experiences around here would help you guys:)
Let him ride his bicycle across the country by himself? Worked for me.
Love, Grandma
I'm so sorry! Parenting stinks sometimes! I feel that way a lot. It's honestly so much harder when it's your own kid.
My sister-in-law (Preston's sister) teaches an amazing course called "Teaching Self Government". She just completed a book that will be coming out around Christmas. Right now she sells audio CD's from her seminars and does seminars all over the US (mostly Utah though). Anyways, I'm not trying to see you anything, I just wanted to tell you that Preston and I listened to the seminar on CD together (and I've been to 2 of her seminars) and I LOVE what she teaches. It's basically having a plan, following through with your plan, and making the child govern themself without you getting angry. It seems so obvious to me, but it's not when you are the parent because you love them so much and just want them to be happy. It's one of those things that you would have to listen to, pick and choose what would work for your family and make it your own. The best part is it's coming from an LDS parent with the same values as you.
Anyways, here's the link if you want to read up...
http://teachingselfgovernment.com/
Good luck! Let me know if you find something that works!
Yes, PLEASE let me know when you find out too! Heidi A. and I were having this exact discussion the other day concerning our youngest sons. Ha! And I loved the comment by "Grandma"! I remember you telling me that story. Maybe that will work on Luke...
you are doing a fine job! its just a phase, he's just testing the waters.
p.s. I took your advice and took lots of pictures this weekend of everyone at a family party. Even people who normally duck out of pictures, I got them. :)
No help here, I'm the mom that lays in bed guilt stricken every night for yelling at my kids. Good luck, we all need it!
I totally LOVE that book! It's what I learned from. Good luck. (And by the way, you ARE awesome parents and I love you all very much!)
I WISH I did. This is so my little Major...............he simply doesn't CARE....it's exhausting, frustrating and debilitating........my HOPE is that it's just a PHASE and he miraculously starts to care, SOON!!!!!!
GOOD LUCK. You are no doubt a FANTASTIC mommy!!!!!
I love this post because it is so easy to look at people at church and think "They are the perfect family and have perfect kids." Then I am so hard on myself when I yell at my kids. I feel the same way about my oldest Trevor, maybe it is an oldest child thing, I don't know. But I definitely feel like Trevor argues every little thing I say, he is constantly debating us. I feel so much pressure because I am not just raising a boy, I am rasing him to be a good man, husband and father. I also have to think that I was probably similar when I was little and it all worked out, I turned out fine :)
I THINK EVERYONE GOES THROUGH THIS. I SEE LOTS OF PARENTS GIVING TOO MANY CHOICES. MY HUSBAND AND I ARE VERY STRICT AND HAVE EXPLAINED TO NOT ONLY OUR KIDS BUT ANY KIDS THAT PLAY WITH OUR TOYS AND WITH OUR KIDS...... WE DON'T BARGAIN WITH CHILDREN. YOU LISTEN OR YOU SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES AND IF IT GETS PUSHED... THEY GET SPANKED. I HAVE EVEN SLAPPED MY DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE IN FRONT OF ALL MY NEIGHBORS FOR BEING A SMART MOUTH AND RUDE TO ME. NOT THE HIGHLIGHT OF MY PARENTING BUT A 6 YEAR OLD HAS NO BUSINESS TALKING DOWN TO HER MOTHER.
I KNOW A LOT...LOT OF PEOPLE AROUND HERE DON'T BELIEVE IN SPANKING... BUT BEGGING KIDS TO DO THE RIGHT THING DOESN'T ALWAYS WORK EITHER. THE THREAT OF THE SMACK IS ENOUGH TO HAVE MY LITTLE MUNCHIES AT ATTENTION IN OUR HOUSE ANYMORE!!!!
JUST MY POINT OF VIEW!!
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