Today is the day. I kind of wish this date wasn't BURNED into my head because if it weren't I could probably go on like it is any other day... EVERY other day. As it is, the scorch marks are there, and there is no getting around it. I'm probably more worried about my mom today than anything else. She's "alone" and in a strange place and nowhere that I can send flowers or give her a hug or even call her on the phone.
It was four years ago this morning that I got the phone call that my dad had passed away. I wish death could feel as joyous as birth. Why must it be so traumatic and sad? Why don't I have the ability to get past my mortal emotions and just have joy for my dad that he has moved on to bigger and better things? It is heart-breaking... that's the best word (words?) for it. I didn't know what heart-breaking was until I lost my dad, and it's not just his death that causes my heart to break... it's watching my mom live her life without her soul mate. They were soul mates... this I know for certain. In all my growing up I never saw two people who were more into each other. I would always think... that's what I want when I get married.
I spend a lot of time worrying about those who are not well and that leads me to ponder death a lot. It's morbid, I know, but if you've lost someone close to you then you understand. My heart feels like it is breaking all over again whenever I hear of a terminally ill child, mother, father, sister, brother. I feel other people's pain in these situations. It does seem so UNFAIR! Brandon says it's not unfair, it's just how it is. He's got so much more faith than me though.
So, today's the day. Another year passed. Memories fade so fast. Before you know it, you're hanging on to the same few because they are all you can remember. This is why I keep my blog up to date, and my family pictures. Things are so much easier to remember when there is a record of them.
13 comments:
I'm so glad that you post things about your dad. I think that by doing that you are keeping his memery alive.
I know that you can't help but remember the phone call, and all the pain that you feel, but I'm sure it makes you think about all the other memories you have of your dad. I'm glad that you keep your memeories of him as fresh as you can. I can't imagine how hard it is to loose a parent. I think you do a remarakable job of not dewling on it. You are entitiled to mourn him once a year, or everyday, He is your dad! I'm thinking about you, have a great day!
I got that same phone call 8.5 years ago...only it was about my Mom. You're doing an awesome thing by keeping a record. I wish I had more of my Mom but my kids will have an abundance of me! ;)
Mandy~ I'm thinking of you today. Love you!
I'll never forget when you called me. I hope you know I'm always there to talk even though it will be on the phone...since we are 100s of miles away. I love you.
And yes, definately I want to get together the 2nd week in October. My doctor says I can travel until the first of November. So I'd love to come down maybe stay with my fam and hook up with you a ton!
Mandy, I am SO SO sorry. You have no idea how much I think of you and what it must be like for you to loose a parent. As you know my mom is really sick with cancer and it is getting worse. When I hear about children and young mother's with cancer I know that I should be so grateful to have my mom for 30 years and that she has seen 3 of my children. But it is not enough!!! It will never be enough. I ache for you and I ache to think of what it will be like to live without a parent. Thanks for your posts about your dad it gives me so much strength and hope.
Oh my sweet Mandy! Yes I too remember this day 4 years ago. That early morning call full of sorrow and pain. I too felt great pain for you and your family that day and many days after. Many times I didn"t know what to do to help ease your sorrow. I felt for your Dad also because I felt He didn't want to leave this life yet. He had so much to live for. He loved his family and he was so cute with Daxton! He would have a ball with grady too. I tend to think they are alot alike. Smart, Teasers, somewhat of a rascal, full of love,tender and deep feeling. Yes this is a good day to remember this dear brother, father,husband,and friend. Rachelle
Me again, Just want you to know how blessed I feel to have you in our family. You have added so much good to us and to Brandon. He choose well! Blessings!!!
Your Dad seems like he was just soooo awesome. You're so blessed to have such wonderful parents. I haven't lost one, but I have lost my Grandmother on my mom's side and she was my best friend in the whole world. I think of her daily. So, I understand a little bit. I always feel so much better when I think of all of the funny stories and memories we have with our loved ones who've passed on. Thinking of you also...much love,
Jennie N.
Thank You Everyone for your comforting words. I've said it before, and I'll say it again... I have the best friends in the world. Yesterday turned out to be an OK day.
Hi, Mandy. I hope you don't mind that I look at your blog - Tyfani gave it to me. I'm her friend that came down 2 years ago for Easter. Anyway, I love to read your blog and when I saw this post it reminded me of my mom. I lost her 7 years ago and sometimes the hurt is still as fresh as it was then. Your post about your dad hit the nail on the head and I said out loud - she gets it. Everything you said, I ditto. I only wish that my family had the knowledge of an afterlife like we do. It helps me on really hard days to know that she is silently cheering me on. In some ways I think my belief helps my dad cope with the loss, too.
I hope it helps you to know that I am sending lots of love and hugs your way as you celebrate (it's OK) the memory of your dad on this day - he would want you to. I don't know your mom, but I am sure with an amazing daughter like you, she is doing well today. You could always have Daxton and Grady send her paper flowers!
Agreed, remembering keeps HIS memory alive. And I have NO DOUBT he is SO PROUD of you!!! And I'm with you, sometimes things just aren't fair, and wouldn't it be nice if they were??? :) Glad to hear it was "OK" at least!!!!!
We love you--and you can always call if you need to be angry, be sad, or if you feel lonely. I know I'm not your mom and can in no way replace your dad, but I love you very much and you have a special place in my heart. Don't forget it!
I know I'm late on reading this post, but even after all these years, your Dad still pops into my head all the time. All these random memories from growing up and how much fun he was. He will always be remembered because he was such a wonderful person, dad, husband, friend, grandpa and on and on.
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