Break DOWN

You're probably all wanting me to get back to the light-hearted posts full of pictures, but apparently it's not time for that just yet.  It's time to prove to you all just how human I am.

Two days ago I had a break down.  It was a BAD day.  Actually, it started out as a really great day.  My friends from my old ward (Mountain Ranch) threw me a goodbye luncheon.  It was a lovely afternoon with lots of laughing and too much food.  I rushed back to get the boys from the bus.  It all went downhill from there.  The kids were ALL grumpy, and they wouldn't leave each other alone.  I'm pretty sure there were at least two crying or whining at a time for the three hours between getting home and going to bed.  Grady was doing his standard picking on Tabitha so I put him in his room for a time out.  When I went to get him out I told him that if he bothered her again he would go in his room for the rest of the night.  About 20 minutes later he was teasing her so I put him in his room.  Grady is our most talented at throwing a tantrum and he threw a doozy.  He was screaming loud enough that I'm sure the neighbors three doors down (in this retirement community with NO children) could hear him scream, "I want to come out!"

I LOST IT!  At that moment I could sympathize with any parent who has ever hit their child.  I just wanted him to STOP screaming.  I walked out and called Brandon in tears.  I knew he couldn't really do anything, but who else could I call?  He wanted to talk to Grady, so I handed over the phone and walked away.  I was in the kitchen sobbing as I got dinner out of the oven.  Then, the most amazing thing happened...

Daxton came out of the bedroom where he'd been playing the Wii.  He wrapped his arms around me and said, "Mom, what's wrong?"  I told him... I laid it all out to my 8 year old and told him how tired I was of all the picking and the fighting.  He listened and then he said, "What can I do to help?"  My heart swelled like it was going to pop out of my chest and I started to cry harder because I was so proud of him.  I told him that if he could take care of Hyatt, that would be really helpful.  He did.  He made sure Hyatt was happy and then started setting the table, WITHOUT BEING ASKED!  I have never been prouder of my son.  I hugged him and thanked him for his help and pulled myself together.

I got the phone back from Grady and I'm pretty sure Brandon felt as helpless as he's ever felt.  We hung up and I got dinner on the table.  Daxton kept asking if there was anything else he could do.  I could tell he was proud of himself and felt good about what he had done.

The funny thing is, my mom and I had a conversation during the first week that Brandon was gone about this type of situation.  I expressed my concern about this type of situation.  She actually said to me, "If all else fails, CRY."  We laughed, and then I remembered how I felt as a kid when I saw my mom cry.  It breaks your heart when you're a child because you realize that your mom has a problem that you can't make go away.  Apparently, Daxton felt the same way, but was going to do whatever he could to help.

I am NOT proud of how I reacted to a hard day with my kids.  It's so hard to be a single parent and have no one to take over when you've reached your breaking point.  I am SO proud, though, of how my Daxton responded.  THAT is the boy I've been trying to raise, and that is the first time I've seen it come out.  As for my feelings for Grady at the end of that day, I have no comment.