Caution!! Tear Jerker.

I am trying to clean out my email box. It's 7 years old, so there's a lot of stuff in there. I opened the folder entitled "Dad" this morning and was reminded why I don't usually open that folder.

I'm going to start with a little story.
My brother Cole is 21. When he was 17 he decided to ride his bike across the country. No buddies, no help. Just him, his bike, and his maps. My faithful parents decided to let him go and learn a few of life's lessons along the way. My mom's one condition was that he had to call every night and tell her where he was, so if he disappeared then we would know where to start looking. He reluctantly agreed.


Thus started the email updates. My wonderful mother would write an email every morning and send it out to a rapidly growing group of people who were interested in following Cole across the country. Daxton and I would look up Cole's new location on mapquest and see how far he'd ridden the day before.
While Cole was working his way west, my family arrived in Arizona for a visit. I remember that we were eating dinner at the Cheesecake Factory when Cole called with his daily update. We all got to speak with him, and it was the first time my dad had spoken to him since his departure more than a month earlier. When the phone call was finished I asked my dad if he would write an email update about Cole. I tole him it would be nice to get his perspective, and not just my mom's. I could tell he was thinking about it. Little did I know, the email he decided to send after they returned to Utah would be of such comfort later on.

Here's his email:
Dear All,
Last weekend, Mandy asked me to write my feelings about Cole and his journey. I thought about it and decided maybe it was time to give the "Fair and Balanced " side of things. First, everything that Kim has written is absolutely true and she has pulled back a little on the emotion as it is impossible to write how worried she was when he left. I have had a number of emotions during Cole's journey, ranging from being frustrated that he was so disorganized that he almost missed his plane when he left to astonishment that a week before he left he said he didn't think it would rain that much on the trip so he was going to pass on the fenders and rain gear. But he made the plane and the bike had fenders and he had rain gear. Not what I would in a million years call a well thought out plan. My attitude with my children over the years has always been to let them fail. It is a hard thing to do both for them and me but they learn so much more than if I enabled and sheltered them. (Heavenly Father has shaped my entire life on this premise.) So I felt that if Cole wanted to do this, either he would make it and become a hero not only to his family but to himself as well or he would call within a few days and quietly come back a wiser lad. My best friend and Cole's other father, Jim Coyle, counseled him on the Saturday before he left that he really didn't have to do this. Cole, who will listen to Jim, responded that he had told too many people he was going and would look silly if he didn't. Jim wisely pointed out that many times discretion is really the better part of valor. Jim knew Cole would not only do this but knew he would do it well. Cole worked for Jim last year in his custom body shop and Jim taught Cole many things about both cars and life. During the summer Cole was restoring his '64 Tbird and Jim told him about a 100 times not to take the dash apart as it would be a nightmare to reassemble. Cole sometimes doesn't listen to Jim like he doesn't listen to me and he took the dash completely apart. Cole spent the better part of a month trying to reassemble and wire that dash and finally when Jim couldn't stand the whining any longer he caved in and helped him reassemble it. This is the basis of Jim's comments that Cole would do this. He said that if Cole puts his mind to something he will complete it. I want everyone to know that I am very proud of my children. Each has accomplished much in their short time on this earth. Jessica is the most disciplined of the group and Mandy is the best mother and care giver I have ever seen. Chris has accomplished two great things in his life--the two years during which he served a mission in Argentina for the LDS church and he talked a brilliant young lady into marrying him. (He has salesperson written all over him.) Needless to say, Cole has some very tough acts to follow. The time in a young mans life when he turns from boy to man varies greatly. Most of you know 16 year old young men who shoulder responsibility that would kill a twenty five year old and we also know twenty five year old men who are so undependable that they cannot hold a job. I theorize that the deciding factor is the burdens that come and when they arrive. My cousins on the farm carried much more responsibility than I ever did and their parents trusted them and respected them at an age that my parents would have not even given it a thought to trust me. My cousins had responsibility for important matters such as livestock, the successful operation of the family business and caring for their siblings when Mom and Dad were out late. I have watched my children turn into adults at different times in their lives. Jessica became a woman when Kim and I lost a business. She was 15 and it hit her hard. She knew that if she did not study and get the best grades she would never have the chance to go to a top university. She did and she did. Mandy became a force to be reckoned with when she married Brandon. Determined to go it alone, she and Brandon have worked hard and done well. They have their own home and 2 great little boys and she takes care of all three boys with an expert hand. When Chris left on his mission, he was scatterbrained and unfocused. When he returned, he had an understanding of what life is and what his purpose is in it. Before his trip, Cole was a young man who would sit for hours playing video games on the computer, because he said that the cycling web site hinted that being in shape didn't matter, because within a few weeks you would be anyway. As a student, he was convinced that he would go to MIT but his grades wouldn't get him much further than the UofU. He was unsure that there is a God, but is now out on his own. He has had experiences that will shape not only his life but his values and maybe even his future. I have prayed that on this journey there would come a time that he would be so disheartened, so exhausted, and so alone that he would turn to his third Father for some advice, comfort, and guidance and possibly listen to him. No doubt Cole will be a man when he returns. The arguments over homework are over and there is nothing left for Kim and I to do but try to point him in the direction we would like him to head, because he will go somewhere, and we know he will do it in his own way. I am proud of him and his journey. Just like I am proud of all of my children. Cole made the decision when he came to the fork in the road to "take it" and he will always remember the journey.
Dan

It was 4 days before the end of Cole's bike trip that my dad passed away in India. My mom opted not to tell him right away. She wanted to be there when she told him, and she wanted him to finish his journey. She drove to San Francisco with my brother Chris and his wife Andrea. It was at the UC Davis campus that they sat on a bench and delivered the news. From what I hear, Cole took the news like the man that my dad knew he would become. He finished his trip from the Atlantic Ocean in Virginia to the Golden Gate in San Francisco that afternoon, with my brother Chris by his side.

These are some emails that followed that last email.

Dad,
Thank you so much for writing down your feelings and thoughts on Cole. I hope he gets to read your email, and I hope it touches him the same way it touched me. I suppose I didn't expect the email to say anything about me, but I appreciate the words that you said. I feel truly grateful that you recognize me as a good mother. I try to be- it is my role in life after all. You taught me that if I was going to bother to do something that I should do my best at it. I am trying and I appreciate you noticing. We'll see how these boys turn out in the end. Right now I'm trying to get Daxton to stop growling at me (thanks to Chris). Thank you again for coming to see us. We love you. I love that you all love my boys so much.
You're the best dad ever,
Mandy


Dear Mandy
There was a time that I remember very clearly when I told you that I knew you were destined for greatness. It was when we had taken the big boat up to Canada and you and I were walking alone together. Mom had everyone else around her and you and I had a few moments to ourselves. It has pleased me to see the greatness in you start to come out and I am excited to see just what a marvelous women you will become. Love Dad


I know this is all very personal stuff, but it has to be recorded and written down. My dad's spirit knew that his life on earth was coming to an end. This is as close to goodbye as we were able to get. I am forever grateful that I asked my dad to write that email. I am so proud of Cole for all that he has accomplished. I know that my dad is keeping an eye on all of us. It is nice to read something he wrote 4 years ago and feel like he is saying it all over again... this time as a reassurance.

I love my brother Cole and I love my dad. In fact, my whole family is pretty amazing. I am one blessed girl to have been a part of such an amazing group of people.